Family Gatherings and Verbal Self-Defense

On holidays, especially, families and friends often sabotage each other's food management and activity plans.

You need a few key phrases to get through the Turkey Weekend minefield:
1. No thank you.
2. That won't be possible.
3. I appreciate your concern.
4. I'm sorry you feel that way.

"No thank you" is used to refuse something (food, drinks, someone's pound-bound pet). Never follow it up with an explanation, or you just invite argument. If people press, simply repeat it.

Here's a sample conversation:
"Want some more pie?"
"No thank you."
"Are you sure? It's really, good, and you are looking thin and sickly these days."
"No thank you."
"I mean it--are you sure you don't have some type of wasting disease? You need to eat!"
"I appreciate your concern."

The next phrase, "That's not/won't be possible," is a gentler way to say "No" if you have a hard time letting that little word come out of your mouth. It states "no" absolutely, but doesn't assign blame. A sample:
"I gave Aunt Edna and Uncle Bob their pedicures and sponge baths last week. I think you should bring them home with you for the rest of the holidays."
"That won't be possible."
"You are so selfish! Why am I the only one in this family who takes care of everyone?"
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
Notice how the final two statements acknowledge your relative's concern WITHOUT making any commitments, attacking back, or in any way furthering the discussion.

This is your goal-to stick to your plans, convictions and guns without escalating the gathering into a free-for-all or downing half a gallon of Gallo.

The key to making this work is the "broken record" technique: Repeat your chosen phrases verbatim until they leave you alone. If you try to vary the phrases (i.e. explain your position) then you open yourself up to argument:
"Have a piece of pecan pie."
"No thank you. I'm allergic to nuts."
"Since when? You always liked my pecan pie. A piece won't kill you!"
"Actually, it will, since I'm allergic."
"That's nonsense! You're just being your usual drama queen self!" . . . and the conversation deteriorates from there.

So gird your ever-thinner loins with these few key phrases. Practice them on your cat, kids, boss. And prepare to have a more peaceful Thanksgiving dinner with those you love (even though they drive you crazy).

(By the way--these examples are real-world. I had a 375 pound client once who's mother started pushing food at her after she lost only 15 pounds, telling my client that she "looked sickly" and that her rear-end looked funny. And anyone with a nut allergy will tell you that people ignore you and minimize your concerns--sometimes with almost-deadly consequences.)

(Hey, Mom. I am thankful that I won't have to put any of this in practice myself this weekend, will I?)